hitsugaya!
Friday, January 9, 2009


Lol, sorry about not udating again yesterday, was a bit busy. Anyway, after introducing the hossan leong stand up comedy of star wars to xuan, i went surfing for jokes and puns, especially oyaku gags. :D

So, to start off, let's have some management lessons! :D

----- Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


------ Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,
"but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon the turkey was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


------ Lesson Number Three

When the human body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because
I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the anus spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the anus being the Boss. So after that the anus went on strike, blocked itself up
and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched,
the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the anus should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.


------ Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile
of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out. Then he ate him!

Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

Lol, and here's a few more :D

NUMBER ONE!!!
A young guy from Mississippi moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under the roof department store" looking for a job. The manager says "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Mississippi."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow, I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down, "How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says "one."

The boss says, "Just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day! How much was the sale for?

The kid says "$101,237.64"

The boss says, "$101,237.64? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SELL?"

Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook, then I sold him a medium fish hook, then I sold him a larger fish hook, then I sold him a new fishing rod, then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"

The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

NUMBER TWO!!!
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously
to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam.
How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident',
she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I 'll tell you the price."

NUMBER THREE!!!
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

NUMBER FOUR!!!
A man and a lady were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. They
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and they opened the front door to leave the house. The cat that was put out in the yard scoots back into the house. they didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

The lady goes out to the taxi, while her husband went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with the husband in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the lady didn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explained to the taxi driver that he will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, he gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he said, as they drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car after the last sentence.

NUMBER FIVE!!!

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine."

He lost 63 pounds that week. (I fell off my chair after reading this one)

NUMBER SIX!!!

WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - -silence - -

HUSBAND: "Shit."

NUMBER SEVEN!!!

These are from a book called "Disorder In The Court", things actually said in court..........

Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
A: What year?
W: Every year.

A: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
W: Gucci sweats and Reebocks.

A: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
W: Yes.
A: And in what way does it affect your memory?
W: I forget.
A: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

A: How old is your son, the one living with you?
W: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
A: How long has he lived with you?
W: Forty-five years.

A: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
W: He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
A: And why did that upset you?
W: My name is Susan.

A: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
W: We both do.
A: Voodoo?
W: We do.
A: You do?
W: Yes, voodoo.

A: Now doctor, isn't it true when a man dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
W: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

A: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
W: Uh, he's twenty-one.

A: Were you present when your picture was taken?
W: Would you repeat the question?

A: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
W: Yes.
A: And what were you doing at that time?
W: Uh..........

A: She had children, right?
W: Yes.
A: How many were boys?
W: None.
A: Were there any girls?

A: How was your first marriage terminated?
W: By death.
A: And by whose death was it terminated?

A: Can you describe this individual?
W: He was about medium height and had a beard.
A: Was this a male or a female?

A: Is your appearance here pursuant to a deposition which I sent to your attorney?
W: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

A: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
W: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

A: All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
W: Oral.

A: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
W: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
A: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

A: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
W: Huh?

A: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
W: No.
A: Did you check for blood pressure?
W: No.
A: Did you check for breathing?
W: No.
A: So, then is it possible the patient was alive when you began?
W: No.
A: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
W: Because his brain was in a jar on my desk.
A: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
W: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

and finally...

NUMBER EIGHT!!! (it's a pun)

A man walks into a bar and says "ouch."

lol, that's all for today. next time might probably be some of the oyaku gags i found on the internet :D

Word of the day: FOTCL (Falling off the chair laughing)

8:25 PM

ILoveYou;
HITSUGAYA TOUSHIROU.

i love TOUSHIROU



Greetings, fellow Earthlings! I come from a far off planet known as Fkhsdjklfh. I have inhabited this body and will use it to experience life as an Earthling. I come in peace. PLease do not mind the dead bodies on the floor. Enjoy this blog...
Ok, wtf...
the name's Cleo. I'm 14. born on the second of november. I go to Ngee ann secondary school. Class 2r3. 2r3 pwns. but i can't find the damn class blog. I love Hitsugaya. Toushirou is mine. NOW SCRAM!!!!! GRRRRRRRR!!!!


LOVES

1. LOVES
2. TOUSHIROU!! <3
3. Writing fanfiction
4. Eating...
5. Sleeping...
6. ANIME.
7. Friends & Family.
8. HITSUGAYA TOUSHIROU!!!!!!! :DD


WISHES

Win zames in at least 2 subjects.
Improve my results... zzz
CHERLYN TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
Toushirou soft toy~~~~ i saw on the internet the thing damn cute lorh i wan i wannnnnnn ^^
ICE CREAM. BRB.


DAIGUREN HYOURINMARU!




OTHER SQUADS


Cherlyn <33
Yixuan
Zames
Samuel
Shiou Yuan
Kia Ling
Debbie
Qian Huey
Jessie
Si hui (levis water bottle! :DD)
Eric
Li Jean
Michelle
Matthew (Mati)
Wei Ting (the other me :D)
Faith
Hui Hsien
Jolyn
Wei Lun
Yong Jia
kary
Yan Ling
Hopeman and Peaceman in Sderot and Gaza
Ashley
Cassandra
Links
Links


HISTORY

December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
May 2009
June 2009

credits

LiYing ; Designer
Jyr minn ; CODES
Brushes
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